Allergic To The Fine Print

I got a phone call from a very upset friend of mine who was having a bad reaction to the allergy medication that he’d been taking. Last time I checked; I did not have a degree in medicine, not even one from a Cracker Jack box so I had no idea why my friend was calling me instead of the emergency squad. But be that as it may, I felt obligated to at least try and help him. So I asked him:
“How come you’re having a bad reaction when you’ve been taking allergy medicine for years with no problems?” He then informed me that he had done as a great many Americans have begun doing lately; he cheerfully joined the ranks of the human guinea pigs. He tried a new medication that he had seen on a television commercial. This is a true story… partially
More... I resisted the urge to tell my friend that believing what he saw on TV was his first mistake, after all this is the infomercial age – where reincarnated snake oil hustlers peddle everything from the ridiculous to the absolutely worthless. Where on any given night these ‘info-artists’ invade millions of television sets trying to sell people on the idea that they simply can’t do without a new pair of “Spud Peeler Gloves” that enable you to magically rub the skin off your potatoes, eliminating the need for an old fashioned peeler, or my personal favorite – the Butt Wiper Stick; a gadget that looks like a back-scratcher that you attach toilet paper to and... well, I think you get the picture. All one has to do is watch late night TV once to realize that we have moved into an era where for only 3 easy payments of $19.95 a person can purchase an endless supply of beautiful crap that will likely end up in next summers yard sale for the awesome resale price of “gimme five bucks and its yours, ok I’ll take four.”

But I digress. My buddy had been watching TV again and even though he was smart enough to avoid “infomercial hell”, he did fall for their very influential first cousin: the miracle Drug-O-Mercials. To this I had to ask the question “What in the world possessed you to try some new drug when the one you had was working so well?” He replied simply: “It looked like some kinda new miracle drug. I thought I would never have another symptom again, and besides, the people on the commercial looked like they were so happy and having fun.” He was right in a way, at least about the people in the commercial looking happy. They are generously compensated actors, paid to stand around and look happy. I think I’d be happy too if I had a job like that.

Back to the subject, I asked him if he was experiencing drowsiness or an increase in appetite. I don’t suffer from allergies but I remembered seeing a TV show that said those were common side effects. But he answered “No, nothing like that.” “Well then what’s your problem?” I asked. “I haven’t been able to uhh… perform in the bedroom”. He answered and I immediately hung up the phone and dialed 911 for him.

I was stunned and more than just a little bit curious. Could this really be true? Are people selling medications now that will get rid of your sneezing and your sex drive at the same time? I needed to know, so I did a little bit of research and what I found was pretty eye-opening, to say the least. It seems that people seeking relief from allergies these days are putting themselves at risk to experience a disturbing variety of potential side effects like Depression; Anxiety; Altered Taste & Smell; Infertility; Thinking Impairment; Increased Appetite, Low Libido & other long term health issues like Osteoporosis, Cataracts & Diabetes.

It doesn’t take Albert Einstein to know that choosing the right medication is very serious business, so why didn’t my friend understand the risks before he took the medicine? Didn’t they tell him about the potential side effects? I put my researcher hat on again and searched the internet for the commercial that he was referring to. The commercial was magnificent! After watching it, I too was left with the impression that this drug would make my life suddenly wonderful and that I would be sailing the seven seas with bikini clad beauties. That is until I got to the last few seconds of the commercial when the honey-voiced narrator started saying words at twice the speed of sound. I had to watch the commercial a few more times to actually understand what she was saying. That was when I realized that she was rattling off a list of potential side effects that would make a body feel grateful to only be suffering from sneezing and coughing. I called my friend back later and reminded him of a very important truth today: You have to pay attention to the fine print my friend that is if you can find it.